Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
