she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
