he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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