remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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