You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
