dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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