you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
