Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
