After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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