the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
