how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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