yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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