I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
whose parrot is this?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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