My first STD was from a foam party
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
