I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
