I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
