We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
