No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
