I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
