Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So squirting runs in the family.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
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