im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
