your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
