wrigley field is MILF paradise
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Cover your peen. We're going out.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
