Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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