Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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