She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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