You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
