i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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