Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
