I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
