dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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