oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
