first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
