Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
