I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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