Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
