why didn't you poke me back
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
