bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
