matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
