Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
