Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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