She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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