the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
