I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
