I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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