I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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