i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
