This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He kissed a someone with a penis
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
