im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
