dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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