My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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