I wish I could teleport
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
In America we eat man semen.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
did i just pee glitter
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
