I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
And then he peed in my hair
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